Encore Wedding Etiquette for Love and Remarriage
Recently at a Professional networking meeting, David Kallen – the Marketing Specialist at Perfect Wedding Guide here in Houston told me about “Encore Weddings”. As an outdoor wedding venue, this is the most type of bridal couples we get. The term is now my term of the week and I needed an idea to blog about. After looking more into it more, I found a few helpful guidelines to follow and share.
When planning an encore wedding there are many questions brides ask. Can you wear white or a veil? Should you keep it small? What about attendants? And registries? What etiquette should be followed when marrying for a second or even third time?
· Tell Your Children First – ideally each parent should tell their children privately and in person (or if necessary, over the phone). Sometimes the news is welcome and happy, but sometimes it may cause concern. If your news is not immediately welcomed, be patient. Validate your children’s concerns, and reassure them that you will all work together to build your new family.
· Tell Your Ex Next – If you have children together, your former spouse should be the next to know, whether you have a good relationship or not, and especially if you share custody. You may even feel it’s best to inform your ex first so they are prepared to react appropriately with the children.
· Then Family – Now you can inform your family and close friends, starting with your parents and siblings. Additionally, before you “go public” this is a nice time to inform your previous in-laws, if you are still on good terms, or if you are a widow or widower.
· And Everyone Else – Now is the time to tell your other friends, coworkers, and share it on social media.
For a bride the most important question is what is she going to wear? Years ago it was practically forbidden to wear white for a remarriage, but today anything goes. Literally. Of course, I would encourage being tasteful. Choose a dress or suit that compliments your personality, figure and venue.
While you may feel uncomfortable creating a wedding gift registry for your encore wedding, it may be considerate to do so. Even if you don’t expect gifts, many guests will want to give them. The wedding gift is a representation of love and support for the couple. As a wedding guest, sometimes it’s hard not to want to share in the joy by giving a gift. You may be helping your guests by providing some insight into what you prefer, want or need. It’s fine to create a traditional registry, but if you don’t want or need those types of things, create a registry around any special interests or hobbies you enjoy.
Don’t forget, it is still a major faux pas to include any mention of gifts on your wedding invitation, even to say, “no gifts.” The invitation is always about the event and should never mention gifts. Whether you create a registry or not, you should wait to be asked before discussing gifts, and then state your preference — “Thank you for thinking of us. We are so happy you’re coming and that is gift enough for us.” Or – “For convenience we have created a registry at… , but all we really care about is seeing you at the wedding.”
4. Don’t Ask Your Parents to Pay
If you are young (or relatively so) and your parents offer to contribute to or pay for your wedding, that’s wonderful. The point is that you should wait until they make the offer, don’t just expect them to foot the bill.
5. You May Have Attendants
It’s perfectly fine to have one or two people standing with you during the ceremony, even if they are the same women from your previous marriage. I recommend keeping the number small and their financial obligations low. You may want to cover the cost of their dress or ask them to wear something they already own.
This time around you’re older, hopefully wiser and more confident. Stay true to yourself and use your best judgment. Every encore wedding is different and your decisions will be influenced by your age, family situation and budget.